I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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