You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
