Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
