bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
