i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
