the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
These tits shall not be calmed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
