so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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