All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
