Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
