After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
