OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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