A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
