Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
