I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
