Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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