I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
