hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
