I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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