It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
