Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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