her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
