Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
