Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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