Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
