I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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