Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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