She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
