i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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