considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
