I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
