Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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