dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
