Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
