bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
