its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
