The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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