and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
