Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
