she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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