When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
