I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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