I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
