Grow some girl-balls and come out already
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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