i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
