there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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