people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want nice things and good sex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
