i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
