1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
