The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
