Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
