Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
