she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
