Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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