The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
