I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
