i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
