May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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