Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
