he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
