I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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