come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
