..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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