Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
