Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
