dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
