He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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