The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was like giving head to a cactus.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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