I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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