saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
