My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Can i not drive my cunt home
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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