I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
