I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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