my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
