Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
